Why is feeling loved so difficult?

Last week a friend of mine sent me a link to a podcast with Martin Sheen. While I wish the interview would have gone a bit deeper to talk about his son and how he balances his Christian faith with the ways of Hollywood, I enjoyed the discussion on love. In particular, why is feeling loved so difficult?

From the perspective of a man, the biggest obstacle is performance. We feel that until we perform, we don’t deserve love. In other words, when we get love in spite of “poor” performance, it feels more like charity or an unearned prize.

On the podcast, Martin Sheen said that you can’t force someone to realize that they’re loved, but you can show them by example. 

Nothing beats seeing somebody else doing something in front of your eyes that you considered impossible. Even simple things like home improvement projects go so much faster when I watch an expert walk me through the fix on YouTube rather than me trying to figure out the written instructions. 

That’s why whenever we wonder, “why is feeling loved so difficult?”, the best way to get unstuck is to find an example that speaks to us. For when we see somebody doing what we considered “impossible,” our minds have a much easier time finding a way to the place our heart belongs.

How often do you feel unloved? Who could give you a good example?


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