Recently, my wife asked me to read “The Five Languages of Apology” chapter at a time so that we can make our relationship stronger. The first chapter talked about why making amends is so essential. The reason that spoke most to me is that when our partner or boss doesn’t apologize, we will try to get even, which in turn will undermine our relationships. Therefore, an apology always beats justice.
Seeking justice blocks off our hearts and puts our mind in scorekeeping mode. I don’t remember anybody in my family apologizing to me. That’s why I grew up with an expectation for the people who wronged me to figure it out on their own and take their initiative to apologize to me.
I learned the hard way that the best way to lead is by example. When I wronged someone, I feel a lot better when I apologize. When somebody hurts me, I can’t expect an apology. However, it’s on me to start a conversation that clarifies what happened. Very likely, I’ve done something that contributed to the damage, and I could take the initiative to take the first step in the apology process. Otherwise, the resentment will grow and eat the relationship alive.
I don’t want to prove that I am right, because I know an apology always beats justice.
How good are you at apologizing? How can you become better?
Are you struggling in a relationship? Do you have a specific view of where your relationship should be, but don’t know how to get there?
You are stuck because your mind doesn’t see how you can improve the situation. That’s why you have a hard time taking action. You need someone to show you a new approach that will make transformation simple!
After the Relationship Audit, you will:
1. Understand how your actions are affecting the relationship.
2. Learn how simple skills will turn this relationship into a source of strength.
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