I’m not competing, I’m filling the gap

Most of us learn to compete at a very young age. Sports, school, clubs, to name a few. While some healthy competition is a great teacher, too much makes us go into the rivalry mode by default.

I’ve been guilty. For example, sometimes I would say things not to advance the conversation but to show how the other person was wrong. Much like throwing a jab in a boxing match to test my opponent’s responses. Not the best relationship-building technique:)

Since then, I’ve been trying to shift my mindset from how can I show that I’m the winner to how can I fill in the gap. Whenever I start criticizing people in my mind, I’m saying, “This person is missing something.” There’s a gap between what the other person is doing and how I think I can do it better. What better to stop the judgmental thoughts than challenging myself to do it? To fill in the gap!

A good example is me being critical of various Christian events where speakers weren’t vulnerable about their faith struggles. I thought that most people would benefit from hearing the difficulties and not just stopping at the triumphs. That’s why my main criteria for being a speaker at the Combined Arms Christian Lunch is the willingness to tell the whole story. The response has been tremendous, and I built great relationships with some fantastic folks. It doesn’t make my event better than others, but it’s a clear alternative. I’m not competing; I’m filling the gap.

How often do you find yourself competing? How would your approach change if you focused on filling the gap?


Are you struggling in a relationship? Do you have a specific view of where your relationship should be, but don’t know how to get there?

You are stuck because your mind doesn’t see how you can improve the situation. That’s why you have a hard time taking action. You need someone to show you a new approach that will make transformation simple!

After the Relationship Audit, you will:

1. Understand how your actions are affecting the relationship.

2. Learn how simple skills will turn this relationship into a source of strength.

To book a free, 30-minute Relationship Audit, please click on the following link.

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