I am a firm believer in acting according to self-defined values, without attachment to results. In my mind, that’s the definition of being authentic. While this is a great ideal, the elephant in the room is ego. I’m a bit torn here because the arm-chair-philosopher in me wants to say pride always leads to needless suffering. On the other side, I see how pride drives people to achieve, especially in the face of insurmountable odds. A good example is Steve Jobs, who accomplished a lot, at least in part due to his narcissistic personality.
As an idealist, I am not naïve enough to think we can ever extinguish ego. We are all imperfect people, and we will always crave recognition. That’s just a fact. So I think the bigger question to ask is: how are the results obtained? While very crude, I think the most applicable analogy I came across recently is the difference between hooking up and marriage. Both appear to lead to the same results, but only one has scientifically proven to give lasting joy; that is if done patiently, with the right person.
I’m not sure if I’ll answer the question entirely, but I think the main takeaway for me is that there is nothing wrong with desiring results. When I think about non-attachment to results, it’s not so much ignoring them altogether as a checkpoint to better understand what it is that my actions may produce so that I can further refine them to match my intent. And when the result doesn’t come as fast as I expect, I’ll ask myself if I’m building a foundation for a future marriage, or just looking for instant gratification.
So how about you? What does non-attachment to results mean to you?
Are you struggling in a relationship? Do you have a specific view of where your relationship should be, but don’t know how to get there?
You are stuck because your mind doesn’t see how you can improve the situation. That’s why you have a hard time taking action. You need someone to show you a new approach that will make transformation simple!
After the Relationship Audit, you will:
1. Understand how your actions are affecting the relationship.
2. Learn how simple skills will turn this relationship into a source of strength.
To book a free, 30-minute Relationship Audit, please click on the following link.