As it turns out, we are terrible at judging ourselves. According to a recent study, 93% of test subjects rated themselves above average in their driving ability. No wonder then that some of our well-intended actions might be hurting us. That’s why I wanted to share the following litmus test, which helped me take a more objective view of my choices:
Imagine a world where you know everything is going to work itself out in your best interest, at precisely the right time: would you still do the action x that is meant to get you result in y? I know this might be a bit too mathematical, so let me give you a couple of personal examples.
Even though I went through a nasty divorce, I have an intention (i.e., NOT a goal, for more on this subtle difference, please see my previous post) to get married again. Driven by all the commercials of happy couples I saw on TV, I made a very introvert safe choice of signing up for online dating. Of course, as an overachiever, I didn’t sign up just for one, but at some point was a member of four dating sites! I can write a ton here, but for the sake of your time and sanity, I’ll make a couple of highlights relevant to the topic. At first, it was a big ego boost from getting so much interest. However, as time went, on it became more and more frustrating experience full of Deja Vu moments. I kept telling myself that it’s a numbers game and kept pushing on like a faithful soldier on a top-secret mission (how selfless of me:). Finally, by applying the test, I mentioned above, I concluded that if God suddenly appeared and promised me that He would fulfill my relationship desire in the future, at best time possible, I would delete all of my online dating profiles right there and then with a BIG sigh of relief! Well, that’s exactly what I did!
This is not meant to be a negative judgement of online dating. I know many happy couples who met online and I learned a lot about my own shortcomings through this experience as well. See, consciousness is not about making a logical choice, but a decision that fully aligned with your real who. So has this choice been a panacea? Only time will tell, but what I can say with certainty is that this choice gave me a great deal of freedom and energy back. Instead of compulsively checking the latest matches 50 times a day or waiting for the next “wink” high (basically capitulating my feelings to external circumstances), I have more time to develop the most important relationship of all … Relationship with myself.
Also, I wanted to provide an example from the opposite side of the spectrum. I enjoy CrossFit. It’s done wonders for my fitness. I’m wearing smaller pant size now, in my mid-thirties, than as a teenager or even a paratrooper on active duty in my twenties. The point is that even if God gave me excellent metabolism and supernatural strength right this second, I would still do CrossFit. There is nothing like pushing yourself to a limit on a WOD or slamming the weights down after a successful lift. Further, I believe that it is that very alignment of CrossFit to the true me that has allowed me to flourish and develop skills I thought I never could. I’m talking handstand walk here; I feel like a kid again!
So particularly when you encounter frustration or even fruitless efforts for that matter, apply this test and give your inner voice permission to speak freely
Are you struggling in a relationship? Do you have a specific view of where your relationship should be, but don’t know how to get there?
You are stuck because your mind doesn’t see how you can improve the situation. That’s why you have a hard time taking action. You need someone to show you a new approach that will make transformation simple!
After the Relationship Audit, you will:
1. Understand how your actions are affecting the relationship.
2. Learn how simple skills will turn this relationship into a source of strength.
To book a free, 30-minute Relationship Audit, please click on the following link.